Just a Boy

getting drunk at kung anu anu pa

2006-08-14T02:47:00.000+08:00

getting drunk

yes! isa akong gimikero. i enjoy night outs, disco lights, lasers, house music, dancing, loud sounds, packed crowds... all of it, except for one thing......... i do not enjoy beer. if am out partying, either i drown myself with tequilla or vodka or sumting else but not BEER.

the reason? simple.. madali akong tamaan sa BEER

last saturday night, i went out with my friends.. my barkada to be exact. it was a relief after having one hell of a week.

because of dat, i was so in the mood for drinking and getting drunk but i wasn't expecting that we'll end up at Tiendesitas near Libis. wala akong magawa. lahat ng kasama gusto beer ang inomin. but because i was feeling so devastated and confused, hindi ko na pinansin.

there were 10 of us and only 7 was up for alcohol. so we ordered 2 barrels of san miguel strong ice, pork sisig, liempo and inihaw na bangus. (yum!yum!)

first hour of our stay i was still ok but the following minutes after that i started feeling dizzy. my best friends started noticing that ive becoming too talkative and too makulit. then, i realized tinatamaan na ako. ok na sana eh. but the band that was playing that night started playing "senti" music.

gawd! i swear i wasn't able to control myself and i broke down to tears. everybody started hugging me. ugh! sobrang nakakahiya but i did appreciated what they did. i cried siguro for 15mins at sinabayan ko pa ng kwento and emote line like.. "bakit ba siya ganun?! mahirap ba akong mahalin?" .... ngayon, ang funny nalang for me pero dat night, i really felt the pain and the alcohol that i took helped me release all my emotions..

i stopped crying lang when my bestfriend started talking to me. haaay!? super nakakahiya cause kasama nya yung date nya dat night. hahaha! tapos agaw eksena pako. hahaha

wen we ran out of beer and food, i thught was time to go, i had plans of going to makati and continue my night out there but my friends decided to continue the "inuman" at one of our friends house...

syempre dun nako bumagsak. hahaha!
siguro kung bibilangin.. i had like 11 bottles of strong ice dat night... ugh! sobra diba!!

pls dnt think of me as isang tumador cause i am so not.
ive never enjoyed beer not until dat night.

hindi ko alam but in away, i found it satisfying for somebody who's problematic and the best of all... mura lang. hahaha!

sana hindi naman ako maging alcoholic nito but one thing i can say...

getting drunk pag may problema is good, it helps u release all the emotions and helps u forget kahit sandali lang

-----

lets fight pimples!
because the past week gave me sleepless nights and so much depression, and also dahil stressed ako, ayan... pinipimple ako.. huhuhuhu!!! kainis!
kaya to the rescue and Panoxyl hahahaha..

-----

pupunta ba ako o hindi!??!!

every month nalang merong isang event/party na ginaganap.. at as usual, mga party friends bombard me with questions kung pupunta ba daw ako...
ugh!
i promised myself di na ako masyado gigimik eh. huhuhu. this month its GodsKitchen by Bigfish. for the past 3 years lagi akong nasa event na'to, but this year kaya... punta kaya ako?! Sa totoo lang masaya naman yung event. Am sure hindi flop tong event na'to not like yung last event na in-attendan ko. haaay...
punta ba ako o hindi??? sana yayain ako ni "ano".. (hehehe!)

Today

2006-08-11T08:42:00.000+08:00

just woke up.. and just like the other mornings ive had during this week, ive been feeling tired, sad and gloomy. i swear, cant wait for the next week to start. am not sure whats in store for me by then but i sure wana start it right, not like the way i started it last monday. ugh!!!

believe me when i say alot of things happened during the past days... and its be oh soooo dramatic. there were so many things that im so not sure if i did correctly and decisions that am not sure if right. i think this is why am feeling this way. ugh!

anyway, last night, i was almost on the brink of breaking down because of too much depression, when two of my best friends texted me up and invited me to watch a movie. thank god they invited me for if not, im sure i've broken down to tears again,, in my room,, with coffee & smoke... the usual "emo" scene i do.

so there. watched CLICK lastnight. it came out to be a good movie. i thought its one of those brainless comedy flicks but it turned out to be a really good one. the movie even made my best girl friend teary eyed (i almost did too).....and to think its a comedy! hahahaha!

i wish i can have that same kind of remote!!!

changing topic..

today, the 11th of August, is a special day for me. officially, its the second month of knowing someone special. it must be weird for me to celebrate but being the sentimental type that i am, its something worth celebrating.

well, i know that i am the only one celebrating this day but the hell i care. its way too special for me to consider it as an ordinary day. so let me just say this.

happy 2 months!!! (hehehe!)

today, ill try to keep myself busy. i scheduled things to do to keep myself from thinking. see, when i am idle, "things" start sinking in and i dont want that to happen.

gosh! im becoming so emotional lately.. toooo emotional again. well, yeah! i know that i am emotional but whats happening lately is something not good anymore (like what my best girl friend told me).

i really cant wait for school to start. i wanna brake free from bumness!
all of this boring, unproductive days makes me feel depressive. ugh!

oh well. guess have to start doing stuffs now.

enjoy the day guys!

Titanic 2

2006-08-09T13:50:00.000+08:00

came across this video while browsing YOUTUBE.. at first i thought it was a bluff but it came out it was real!!! what were they thinking making a sequel like this?!?!? ugh!

Interesting Conversation

2006-08-09T13:25:00.000+08:00

...thanks -aey- for sending this to me... really made me think..

An atheist professor of philosophy speaks to his class on the problem science has with God, the Almighty. He asks one of his new Christian students to stand and.....

Professor: You are a Christian, aren't you, son?

Student : Yes, sir.

Prof: So you believe in God?

Student : Absolutely, sir.

Prof: Is God good?

Student : Sure.

Prof: Is God all-powerful?

Student : Yes.

Prof: My brother died of cancer even though he prayed to God to heal him. Most of us would attempt to help others who are ill. But God didn't. How is this God good then? Hmm?

Student is silent.

Prof: You can't answer, can you? Let's start again, young fella. Is God good?

Student :Yes.

Prof: Is Satan good?

Student : No.

Prof: Where does Satan come from?

Student : From...God...

Prof: That's right. Tell me son, is there evil in this world?

Student : Yes.

Prof: Evil is everywhere, isn't it? And God did make everything. Correct?

Student : Yes.

Prof: So who created evil?
(Student does not answer.)

Prof: Is there sickness? Immorality? Hatred? Ugliness? All these terrible things exist in the world, don't
they?

Student :Yes, sir.

Prof: So, who created them?
(Student has no answer.)

Prof: Science says you have 5 senses you use to identify and observe the world around you. Tell me, son...Have you ever seen God?

Student: No, sir.

Prof: Tell us if you have ever heard your God?

Student : No , sir.

Prof: Have you ever felt your God, tasted your God, smelt your God? Have you ever had any sensory perception of God for that matter?

Student : No, sir. I'm afraid I haven't.

Prof: Yet you still believe in Him?

Student : Yes.

Prof: According to empirical, testable, demonstrable protocol, science says your GOD doesn't exist. What do you say so that, son?

Student: Nothing. I only have my faith.

Prof: Yes. Faith. And that is the problem science has.

Student : Professor, is there such a thing as heat?

Prof: Yes.

Student : And is there such a thing as cold?

Prof: Yes.

Student : No sir. There isn't. (The lecture theatre becomes very quiet with this turn of events.)

Student : Sir, you can have lots of heat, even more heat, superheat, mega heat, white heat, a little heat or no heat. But we don't have anything called cold. We can hit 458 degrees below zero which is no heat, but we can't go any further after that. There is no such thing as cold. Cold is only a word we use to describe the absence of heat. We cannot measure cold. Heat is energy. Cold is not the opposite of
heat, sir, just the absence of it.

(There is pin-drop silence in the lecture theatre.)

Student : What about darkness, Professor? Is there such a thing as darkness?

Prof: Yes. What is night if there isn't darkness?

Student : You're wrong again, sir. Darkness is the absence of something. You can have low light, normal light, bright light, have nothing and it's called darkness, isn't it? In reality, darkness isn't. wouldn't you?

Prof: So what is the point you are making, young man?

Student : Sir, my point is your philosophical premise is flawed.

Prof: Flawed? Can you explain how?

Student : Sir, you are working on the premise of duality. You argue there is life and then there is death, a good God and a bad God. You are viewing the concept of God as something finite, something
we can measure. Sir, science can't even explain a thought. It uses electricity and magnetism, but has never seen, much less fully understood either one. To view death as the opposite of life is to be ignorant of the fact that death cannot exist as a substantive thing. Death is not the opposite of life: just the absence of it.
Now tell me, Professor. Do you teach your students that they evolved from a monkey?

Prof: If you are referring to the natural evolutionary process, yes, of course, I do.

Student : Have you ever observed evolution with your own eyes, sir?

(The Professor shakes his head with a smile, beginning to realize where the argument is going.)

Student : Since no one has ever observed the process of evolution at work and cannot even prove that this process is an on-going endeavour, are you not teaching your opinion, sir? Are you not a
scientist but a preacher?

(The class is in uproar.)

Student : Is there anyone in the class who has ever seen the Professor's brain?

(The class breaks out into laughter.)

Student : Is there anyone here who has ever heard the Professor's brain, felt it, touched or smelt it?.....No one appears to have done so. So, according to the established rules of empirical, stable, demonstrable protocol, science says that you have no brain, sir. With all due respect, sir, how do we then trust your
lectures, sir?

(The room is silent. The professor stares at the student, his face unfathomable.)

Prof: I guess you'll have to take them on faith, son.

Student : That is it sir.. The link between man & god is FAITH. That is all that keeps things moving & alive.

(IS THIS SOCRATES ANSWERING PLATO ? )

Budz!!!

2006-08-09T12:41:00.000+08:00

Happy Birthday Budz!!!
aug 7

'lam ko di mo masyado na-feel ung birthday mo because u've got lot of things to do for school
ok lang yan. as what i've said sayo thru sms, we have the weekend to celebrate (...i hope)
how i wished i was around to personally greet u and give u a hug kasi alam ko, kahit di mo aminin,
malungkot ka during ur birthday... i know i wont be able to take off the sadness and the trouble
that ur feeling but am sure kahit papano, mapapangiti naman kita during that special day..
budz! wag k na malungkot ha..
miss na kita sobra.. can't wait for the finals to finish para di ka na busy
haay! smile ka na.. am just here ha!

Sorry

2006-08-03T04:57:00.000+08:00

i will be away for awhile.. dami lang ginagawa lalu na ngayon lapit na enrollment tapos ill be working na din ulit.. ayusin ko muna 'to guys..
hope lahat kayo ok jan.. di tulad ko super busy..
Kiro sensya na ha...
basta pag ok na.. update ko na blog ko.. w/ a new design na din hopefully and a new sense wen it comes to my posts..
ingat kayo lahat palagi

am at skul now

2006-07-26T16:59:00.000+08:00

ugh! am sooo tired and its sooooo hot outside...
add to that... am fucking hungry, but i just finished a cheeseburger meal at mcdonals... hehehe..

well decided to check who'd been hoppin by...

haaaaay... am going home in abit.. enjoy ur day guys!!!

Sweeeeeet

2006-07-26T09:26:00.000+08:00

I just got up. Am having a headache (huhuhu!) Putol-putol kasi tulog. ugh!

Ok lang, thanks to sweet-sweet Juice for doing this tag for me. Surely made me smile even with a headache. Thanks Juice!!!

IF YOU COMMENT ON THIS PAGE YOU WILL BE TAGGED

THE RULES: If you comment on this post, I will..

1. Respond with something random about you.
2. Challenge you to try something.
3. Pick a color that I associate with you.
4. Tell you something I like about you.
5. Tell you my first/clearest memory of you.
6. Tell you what animal you remind me of.
7. Ask you something I've always wanted to ask you.
8. Pick a song that reminds me of you.

You then must post the same meme and my response in your blog.

Marko by Juice

1. RANDOM
Thanks for trusting me once to do your layout. Hahah
- yeah, u were so nice abt it.. and the layout u did for me was awesome! thank u so much!

2. CHALLENGE
- No partying for a month. Haha kaya?
- huhuhuhu! naman eh! di naman pwede yun!!! iba nalang please??!

3. COLOR
blue.. I just see you as a person who likes blue.. pero not sure ha hehe
- yup i like blue, galing talaga!

4. LIKE
You're not afraid to show your feelings
- halata ba sa mga post ko? ugh! yeah, minsan nga i feel hindi na tama. masyado na akong emo

5. MEMORY
Hmm, first memory? When I came to your blog and you made me laugh at that picture when your foot had a cast and sabi mo new Chucks. Haha natawa tlg ako dun.
- hahahaha! yeah, the newest chuck taylor design, hahaha! natuwa naman ako, never thought may napatawa ako with that post

6. ANIMAL
a cat? hehe i don't know why
- am clueless? kasi may pagka pusa-kal ako? hehehe

7. QUESTION
What's your real name? hehe
- didn't I tell you? ill hit u back at YM

8. SONG
Maneater by Nelly Furtado. Haha I don't know why
- wooohaa! let me dl that song... sorry but i haven't heard that. and why maneater? i don't eat man? huhuhu. feeling ko tuloy para akong canibal? huhuhu.. hehehe

I BElieve

2006-07-26T04:54:00.000+08:00

THE BEST OF LOVERS
are
THE BEST OF FRIENDS

Random Things

2006-07-25T22:02:00.001+08:00

mga kung ano-ano lang during the past three days of staying at home...

-----
miss universe
the top20 finalist were already announced when i started watching the pageant... wala lang, am not really a fan but syempre dapat aware ako cause for sure, magiging center of kwentuhan nanaman 'to when i see my party friends.. hehehe!
before the top 5 where announced, i already had my top 2... Ms. Japan and Ms. Puerto Rico. galing nga because they were the top 2 of the pageant.
"so ibig sabihin ba nito pwede na akong maging judge sa beauty pageant? oh, maganda taste ko sa babae?" hmmm... hehehehe!

-----
ulan-ulan
ugh! well, there's nothing wrong with the rain, ok nga yun para di masyado mainit, but kung bagyo naman, argg! nakakainis!!! i can't go out, am stuck at home and nabobore ako sobra! add to that, pagnabobore ako, nage-emo crashing ako...
ewan ko, dati, i used to love the rain so much... not because na sususpend classes.. di ko lang sure but before pag-umuulan, mas masaya ako. feeling ko dati, i get energy from the rain but now, its the complete opposite. ugh!

-----
steaks and gravy
since mom was around and she wasnt doing anything, i asked her to teach me how to cook steaks and prepare gravy... why? cause a special person loves steak.. hehehe.. syempre i should know how to cook these stuffs para if ever may chance, pwede kong gawin diba?! heheheh..
one thing i must say, ang hirap mag grill... hehehe...

-----
battery
unti-unti ko ng nararamdaman na bibigay na ang battery ng cellphone ko... kainis! kung kelan wala pa akong money para bumili ng bagong phone chaka pa umaarte batt ko.. di pa naman ako pwede humingi kay mom or kay dad dahil nagpapagoodshot pa ako.. huhuhu!

-----
teriyakiboy
haaay!? last sunday night, i met up with my badminton friends. after a month of not seeing each other, nagkita kita ulit kami... after we met up sa badminton court, we went straight to megastrip cause one of our friends wanted to treat us for a latenight dinner cause she won a tourney.. hehehe.. buti nalang sa teriyakiboy kami kumain which is one of my faves.. hehehe!
ill post our pics soon...

-----

uggghh... kumakatok dad kong epal...
...... to be continued muna

Speaking of

2006-07-25T17:36:00.000+08:00

right after clicking the publish button of my last post.... i remembered that there is a pill that can help me.... hahahaha!!!
why not right?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

think?????? think???? think??????

Newton's Law

2006-07-25T14:06:00.000+08:00

today i remember one of Newton's Law. ..

"for every action, there's an equal and opposite reaction"

the last post that i have.... i was so so happy.... and guess what, right now, well actually since lastnight, ive been feeling so alone and depressed... i feel so pathetic feeling this way...

i guess its not good for me to be "sooo happy!?" cause after that i'll be "sooo sad!?!" so dapat, is should be "mejo happy!?!" para "mejo sad?!" lang after... pathetic!!!!

ugh!

to keep myself from being eaten by me emotions, ive decided to design a new layout for my blog.. its what u are seeing now.. i also changed the title of my blog.. i realized that, yes! i am still a boy... just a boy..

also, its been raining for the past two days... and sad to say, i sooooo hate it when its raining... it adds up to my being an emo crasher..

if only theres a pill available to take whenever i feel like this, i'll buy in lump some.........

haaay!?? i'll just have a smoke break now... i am really not emotionally stable today...

Happy

2006-07-23T18:26:00.000+08:00

akala ko boring ang weekend ko. pero hindi pala. yun pala
SOBRANG SAYA!

Miss Universe

2006-07-22T15:50:00.000+08:00

wala lang... bukas na yun diba?!
kung wala kayong magawa, visit nyo site nila... infairness naman, interesting and kahit papano maganda updated tayo sa world's most watched beauty pageant at alam natin kahit papano ang history nito diba?! hehehehe..

question: who was the first Filipina to win a special award?

you'll know the answer when u browse through the site... enjoy!!!

kung ano-ano lang

2006-07-22T15:09:00.000+08:00

ang hirap pag nasa normal na pagiisip ako. yung tipong hindi ako emo mode or hindi ako galit mode. nakakloko, sobrang bagot. ito ang normal mode ko, walang ginagawa, walang iniisip. well, come to think of it, mas ok na siguro yung ganito noh kesa naman bawat post ko dito eh puro kadramahan lang.

so, kamusta naman kayo?! wala talaga akong magawa so eto nalang.. random thoughts

--- magpapa garage sale ako ---

yesterday, to keep myself from idleness and thinking of the issue that i am having with my "him", i decided to fix some stuffs in my room.. and that included removing old clothes that i dont wear anymore in my closet. it took me 4 hours to remove, sort and fold the old clothes again. at eto sila...

yup... mejo madami siya... at dahil dun, sobrang konti nalang ang natira sa mga damit ko.
huhuhu!
but... but... but... may pera sa basura ryt?
kaya magpapa garage sale ako. ok pa naman yung ibang clothes and pants eh. hehehe!

--- how good i was then!!! ---

while cleaning my room, inayos ko mga abubot sa loob ng room ko... nakita ko yung mga medals and trophies ko na nakuha ko when i was in gradeshool and highschool.
haaay. i never thought i excelled like that before. tama nga sila sayang daw ako kase when i went to college sobrang pasaway ako. di bale, am going back to school this september, wait lang kayo. i'll make everybody esp. my parents proud of me again.

--- anu ang naiisip ko ngayon about "him" ---

naisip ko, kahit ganun.. ok naman eh, siguro madrama lang talaga ako. siguro nga being a masochist, gumagawa lang ako ng sarili kong problem para magkaroon ng thrill ang buhay ko.. tama? hindi ko alam, sabi yan ng best gal friend ko.

haay.. basta ok na ako. finish school muna bago committment. besides, i've gone tired of luking for "someone".. feeling ko kasi dumating na yung best choices ko. sa kanila nalang muna ako.

(biglang nagsalita best gal friend ko w/c is beside me, dito kasi natulog)
"at sino naman yung mga yun!?"....

sagot ko...
"apat sila, yung dalawa kilala mo!"......

yippey! i must say kahit bagot, happeeeeEEE ako! :p

bagot ako (huhuhu!)

2006-07-22T14:46:00.000+08:00

saturday nanaman. although maganda ang gising ko because natutuwa ako sa design ng blog ko, thanks again to my younger bro ghostpool, knowing na wala akong plano for the rest of the day, i know it'll be a long one.

yeah! wala akong plano for a saturday. no night out plans... even a movie, wala!
aburido ako ngayon kasi wala akong ginagawa. honestly speaking naman, i dont wanna go out tonight to go clubbing or something, sana nalang... my badminton friends invite me for a game later, mas ok na sakin yun.

basta bahala na. let me try to stimulate my mind nalang, nang makapag post naman ako ng isang mas interesting na write up. ugh!

A Repost

2006-07-22T14:32:00.000+08:00

I don't mind spending some time
Just hanging here with you
Cuz I don't find too many guys
That treat me like you do
Those other guys all wanna take me for a ride
But when I walk their talk is suicide
Some people never get beyond their stupid pride
But you can see the real me inside
And I'm satisfied, oh no, ohh

Even though the gods are crazy
Even though the stars are blind
If you show me real love baby
I'll show you mine

I can make you nice and naughty
Be the devil and angel too
Got a heart and soul and body
Let's see what this love can do
Baby i'm perfect for you

My love, ohh oh

I could be your confidante
Just one of your girlfriends
But I know that love's what you want
If tomorrow the world ends
Why shouldn't we be with the one we really love?
Now tell me who have you been dreaming of
At night at home? oh no, ohh

Even though the gods are crazy
Even though the stars are blind
If you show me real love baby
I'll show you mine

I can make you nice and naughty
Be the devil and angel too
Got a heart and soul and body
Let's see what this love can do
Baby i'm perfect for you

Excuse me for feeling
This moment is critical
Might be me feeling
It could get physical, oh no, no no

Even though the gods are crazy
Even though the stars are blind
If you show me real love baby
I'll show you mine

I can make you nice and naughty
Be the devil and angel too
Got a heart and soul and body
Let's see what this love can do
Let's see what this love can do
Baby I'm perfect for you

Baby I'm perfect for you

Even though the gods are crazy

Even though the stars are blind

Even though the gods are crazy

Even though the stars are blind

-------------------
a repost from my friend, Jeremy....

Thank You!!!

2006-07-22T05:26:00.000+08:00

a big THANK YOU!!! to my younger brother, Ghostpool, for fixing my blog template!
Waaaa! I'm all smiles right now! Galing galing mo kapatid!

Kainis

2006-07-21T19:08:00.000+08:00

bakit ganun!? hindi ko maayos template ko. am using defaults na nga from blogger tapos ganun parin. huhuhuhu!!!

Araw Na'to

2006-07-20T21:14:00.001+08:00

i just got home. i was with my "him" awhile ago. we met up and decided to have dinner. it was fun. dami ko ngang nakain. but kanina.. hanggang ngayon, hindi ko alam kung ano ang nararamdaman ko... if im happy or not. i dont know what i am feeling kasi magulo. hindi ko maexplain.

well, yes masaya ako coz i am with him but nararamdaman kong may mali sa nararamdaman ko. naguguluhan ako. parang may nagbabago. natatakot din ako cause i am seeing alot of things that could happen that i didnt see before. magulo, nakakatakot... gusto kong umiyak abt it ngayon.

sa totoo lang, may mas maraming bagay akong dapat isipin kesa sa bagay na'to... like yung away namin ng dad ko kagabi but natabunan na iyon and my mind is revolving on this issue. isang issue na matagal ko ng gustong mawala.

am so sentimental nga siguro. kanina while we were talking, bawat salita na sinasabi niya sobrang dina-digest ko na parang chocolate, ika nga.. ninanamnam ko. may mga bagay na napagusapan kami at sinabi siya na aaminin ko, nasaktan ako. i dont wanna go into details but yes, nasasaktan ako pag may mga bagay na sinasabi siyang hindi maganda ang interpretation ko. alam kong hindi naman dapat at hindi niya kasalanan dahil yun ay mga sarili kong interpretation but talaga.. nasasaktan ako. ewan ko kung nararamdaman o nakikita niya yun pero alam kong tinatago ko yun sa kanya.

actually, i promised myself that ill hide everything that needs to be hidden from him. and that everything is what i really feel. mahirap.. sobrang hirap pero kailangan at alam kong yun ang dapat.

why is it that some people find it easy to pretend but bakit ako hindi. well siguro unti-unti, siguro natututunan ko ng gawin yun... ang magpanggap dahil nagagawa ko ng ngumiti sa mga bagay na hindi naman talaga nagpapangiti sakin.

kanina.. on my way home. nasa loob ako ng tricycle. bigla akong nakaramadam ng ibang takot. different things came rushing through my mind that almost led me to cry and almost made me send him emo sms. but, i held on and controlled myself.

at this very moment, pinagiisipan ko yung mga bagay na nagbigay ng takot sakin. am trying to figure out how i could get them off my mind and, i want trying to figure out ways on how to keep myself from being hurt if those things start to happen.

sabi nga nila, its better if you're ready for the worst. i guess i have to be.

pero sa totoo lang... iniisip ko pa lang, sobrang nanghihina nako. hindi ko yata kakayanin pag nangyari yun. alam ko mahal ko siya, at pag sinabi kong mahal, ibang klaseng pagmamahal, higit pa sa kung anu ang iniisip nyo.

hindi ko kakayanin. ayoko. sana hindi mangyari. magtitiis ako kahit habambuhay, wag lang mangyari na makita ko siyang nasa piling ng iba... sa iba tapos sasabihin niya sakin...
"&$@%! Mahal na mahal ko sya."

-----------------------------
i am listening to this song while writing this post.....

why... why... why...
napakariming tanong... pero sa lahat ng yun... ang sagot lang ay...
dahil mahal kita...

For The Meantime

2006-07-20T21:04:00.000+08:00

since i cannot fix the template that i was using before... let me use this for the meantime. alam ko di maayos so sorry po for the inconvenience. i dont have time yet to fix it kasi. haay. daming nangyayari lately...... haaay ulit.

Huhuhuhu!!!

2006-07-20T09:40:00.000+08:00

nagloloko nanaman template ko!
kainis naman! anu ba!?!?! pati ba naman blogger, dumadagdag pa!! waaaaaaaaa!!!

Bwisit Talaga!!!

2006-07-20T09:02:00.000+08:00

Kamusta naman ako?!!?!? As usual, madtrip nanaman ako. Bakit?! Kasi, nagsisimula nanamang mambwisit ang epal kong D^%&^Y sa mga pangangaral kuno nya. Haay!? Nakakainis!
Actually kakagising ko lang at namamaga nanaman ang mata ko. Later, I'll give full details and kung anu ang nangyari. Sa ngayon, breakfast muna ako.
Nga pala, namamaga mata kasi umiyak nanaman ako kagabi, this time dahil sa epal kong D^%&^Y at umiyak ako dahil sa sobrang inis! Aauuurrrggghhhh!!!
Later........

Just A Song

2006-07-19T18:14:00.000+08:00

GOODBYE
by: Juana
Didn't mean to hurt you badly
Don't think that I am fooling around with you
So sorry for the time you've wasted on me
So sorry for the things that you went through
But I know that the problem's within me
You're so nice but your love don't deserve me
Or maybe I'm just so scared to fall in love again
I can still remember the days
So many times, I've been hurt
So much trust I put on a relationship
So much suffering I got and the pain still remain
Know I like you but I don't wanna take the risk
So confused and I don't know how to deal with it
Need some time for awhile before I give my heart away
CHORUS
Don't say goodbye
Don't say goodbye
I need some time for awhile before I give my heart away
Don't say goodbye
Don't say goodbye
I need some time for awhile before I give my heart away
Now, I know I wasn't thinking before
That's why I'm always ending up with Mr. Wrong
Learning from the past, don't wanna make a mistake
You could be Mr. Right or could be a fake
You know I like you but I don't wanna take the risk
So confused and I don't know how to deal with it
Need some time for awhile before I give my heart away
[Repeat CHORUS]
[Repeat CHORUS]

Anu Ba Yun?

2006-07-19T13:44:00.000+08:00

Nakakaloko!
May mga pangyayari kagabi ni hindi ko inaasahan. Hindi ko alam kung matutuwa ako or maiinis. Haay. Chaka ko na ikukwento. Hilaw pa ang balita. Pahinugin muna natin. (Hehehehe!)

Talk About

2006-07-18T21:34:00.000+08:00

Talk About................... uurrrggghh!

I am sitted infront of my PC, trying to calm and control my emotions when I overheard a line from one telenovela. (people here at home are watching Sa Piling Mo)

"Ang pagtitiis ay para lamang sa mga nagmamahal. Kung hindi mo siay mahal, wag kang magtiiis dahil kung ganon, niloloko mo lamang ang sarili mo"

..... somehow it made me smile and ofcourse again...think. Nagtitiis ako dahil mahal ko siya. Nagmamahal nga ako ng totoo.

Masaya na Sana

2006-07-18T20:45:00.000+08:00

ok na sana ang lahat. kung iisipin, unti unti na umaayos lahat ng bagay sa paligid ko. masaya na sana. before everything was so vague and my life was such a mess. feeling ko walang chance para maayos pa ang lahat ng mga mali sa buhay ko, pero ngayon unti unti na bumabalik sa tama ang lahat. ok na sana. masaya na sana. pero hindi. ang hirap talagang magpanggap na okay ang lahat lalu na't hindi naman talaga. bakit nga ba ganito? bakit ba ang hirap matanggap? bakit hindi ko makuha ang nagiisang bagay na inaasam asam ko ng totoo?

pinipilit ko maging masaya sa kung anu man ang meron ako ngayon dahil alam kong yung tama at yun ang dapat kong gawin. pero bawat oras na miisip ko na wala yung nagiisang bagay na yun, hindi ko maikubli na nalulungkot ako't hindi tunay na masaya. hindi ko maitago na nahihirapan ako, dahil alam kong wala ako nun.

minsan iniisip ko, bakit para sa isang katulad ko, ang hirap makamtan iyon gayung ang iba'y kay daling makuha ito. anu bang problema sakin? sa tingin ko wala naman. pero bakit ganon?!

oo, pinipilit kong maging masaya sa kung anung meron ako ngayon, pero hanggang kailan ko ito kakayanin. hanggang kailan ko maitatago na ang totoo'y higit pa sa kung anung meron ako ngayon ang nais ko. hindi ko alam kung anung gagawin ko. hindi ko alam kung ano ang tamang gawin sa sitwasyon kong ito. ayokong may mawala. ang gusto ko'y may madagdag sa anung meron ako ngayon. takot akong may mawala dahil alam kong di ko kaya pag nangyaring mawala iyon.

gusto ko nalang umiyak. siguro sa takdang panahon malalampasan ko din ito. siguro nga'y tama nalang na itago ko sa sarili ko kung anu man ang nais ko. hayaan ko nalang ang panahaon ang magtakda at sumagot sa mga tanong ko. sana'y magbunga ng maganda lahat ng pagtitiis ko. ayokong mawala ito sa buhay ko... hindi ko kakayanin. ayoko, dahil Mahal na mahal na mahal ko siya. higit pa sa kung anung alam niyang damdamin ko para sa kanya.

Isang Magandang Umaga at Isang Joke

2006-07-18T08:36:00.000+08:00

Good Morning peeps! Haay. Kakagising ko lang actually at eto nanaman ako sa harap ng PC ko. Hindi rin naman ako magtatagal kasi I still need to prepare my stuffs and myself for school.

But before I leave, let me show you something I saw from Deejayz blog.
Tawa ako ng tawa, hanggang ngayon. Hehehehe! Check it out. Asteeeeg!!!

Haay...

2006-07-17T17:02:00.000+08:00

Sabi nila, kung mahal mo daw ang isang tao, dapat handa kang gawin lahat para sa kanya. Dapat handa kang magbigay at magsakripisyo. Kung totoo ito, ibig sabihin lamang na nagmamahal nga ako ng totoo.
Bakit? Kasi tinanggap kong maging matalik kaming magkaibigan lang kami kahit sa totoo, higit pa dun ang nararamdaman ko sa kanya.

Well, masaya ako dahil kahit ganun, marami din naman akong napaptunayan at natutunan, tungkol sa kanya at sa sarili ko. Mabuti na din siguro na ganito para mas makilala namin ang isa't isa. Sa totoo lang, unit-unti na kaming mas nagiging at ease sa isa't isa. We slowly developing something good. A friendship thats so special. Masaya ako, Oo!

Ngayon, wala na akong mahihiling pa. Ok na ako na kahit ganito. Sa totoo lang, feeling ko ung "tag" lang naman ang kulang sa amin... feeling ko lang ha. Pero ok na ako ng ganito. Kuntento at masaya ako.

Am Happy That We're Okay Now

2006-07-17T16:37:00.000+08:00

its been awhile. its been more than a year. ang tagal ko din hinantay dumating ang araw na'to. ung araw na maging ok tayo. ung nakakapagusap tayo.
honestly, i never expected na darating pa itong araw na'to. i thought we'll stay cold at each other but thank God that we're in speaking terms now. i know i've said that i can or will never be friends with you, but i was so wrong. ur too special to be forgotten. haaay. sobrang saya ko at ngayon okay na tayo. 'di mo lang alam.
thanks..... namiss kita ha!!! :p

I've Been Busy

2006-07-17T15:08:00.000+08:00

For the past days I've been busy. Not very busy, medyo lang. Ano-ano ba ang mga ito. Read on.

1. Going back to school (Yippey!!!)

Yes. After a year and a half of stopping from school, I've finally decided to go back to school, and this time, I
seriosu with it. I've been processing my papers cause I'm transferring from San Beda College to DLSU-College
of Saint Benilde. Mejo nakakapagod cause pabalik-balik ako like this coming Tuesday, I need to go to CSB again
to check on my application. Haaay?! Well nakakapgod yun. But okay lang. I so want to go back to school naman eh. By September, isa nanaman akong estudyante. Honestly, mejo kinakabahan ako at natatakot because it's
been almost 2 years since I last went to school. Feeling ko di na ako marunong magsulat. Pero, excited din ako
at the same time. Maninibago lang talaga ako siguro kase nasanay nakong nagwowork. Haay. Tagal naman ng
September.

2. iTunes and Limewire

I was looking for some songs in my iTunes tapos hindi ko mahanap. Nainis ako! I realized hindi pala maayos
ang names ng mga mp3 files ko, both in Limewire and iTunes. Tapos nalaman ko din na hindi synchronized ang iTunes and Limewire ko so ayun, I decided to individually fix/edit the names of the files para mas
madali kong masearch next time. Hanggang ngayon, nageedit parin ako at wala pako sa kalahati. I have more
than 1500 mp3 files at nasa 600plus palang ang naeedit ko. Imagine, am editing the title, genre, artist and
album. Hirap pa pag hindi ko alam yung artist and album, kailangan ko pang magsearch sa web. Define effort.
Pero ok lang. May maganda namang maidudulot to. Hehehe!

3. Reconnecting

There was one night when I got my photo album from my cabinet. I flipped through the pages and started
reminiscing the past. Ang dami na talagang nagbago. And nakakalungkot cause I don't have contact with
my old friends, especially my HS friends. So, ang ginawa ko, I wrote their names on a yellow paper and I logged
on to Friendster at isa-isa kong sinearch mga profile nila. Good thing most of them are search-able. I
added them up and exchanged number para once in awhile we could make "kamustahan". Tapos once they've
added me up, I browse through their friends to check if I know someone that's not on my list. Ang saya. Also,
unti-unti (just like what I've said on a previous post), I'm making everyone on my Friendster list, a testimonial.
Syempre, may kapalit, testi din for me. Hehehe! Its really nice to reconnect with old friends. Daming kwento.
Can't wait for the class reunion that my HS friends are planning this August. Waaaa! Malalasing nanaman ako
nito. Waaaa!

4. CSS & Blog Templates

Dahil nainggit ako kay Juice kasi ang galing galing niyang gumawa ng template, I started browsing through
pages on how I could learn to use CSS, Web Designs esp. for Blog pages. Haay!? Hirap pala. Ayan kakatesting
ko, nabura ung luma kong template na ginawa ni Juice para sakin. (huhuhu)
Calling Juice.... help! help! help!

5. Cooking

Well, as preparation for school this September. I'm asking people around to teach me some recipes. FYI: I'm
taking up BS HRIM in DLSU-CSB this coming September, so I need to know how to cook although marunong
naman ako ng konti. My mom came from a family of chefs so saya pag nagpapturo sa kanya. Minsan nga lang
tinatawanan niya ako pag nagluluto ako. Ang arte ko daw. Hahaha! Chaka ok din palang past time and pagluluto
lalo na para sa isang tulad kong gustong tumaba.

Well, yan ang mga pinagkakaabalahan ko ngayon. Ang saya noh?! Kayo? Kamusta naman kayo jan?!

Isang Paglilinaw

2006-07-12T00:49:00.000+08:00

napansin ko lang na marami ang nagreact (text/privmsg) sa last post ko. just wanted to clear it out, dami kasi nagtatanong kung sino si Budz. so, para sa impormasyon ng nakararami, Budz is my new found best friend. basta, mahabang kwento. Single parin po ako (hehehe!) kaya huwag niyo muna akong icongratulate (hahaha!). I'll post it, no doubt! pag meron na, pero mukhang matatagalan pa yun.
Till here.

Happy Monthsary

2006-07-11T00:44:00.000+08:00

today I celebrate the day I met my....

B-u-d-Z-z !!!

Happy (1st) Monthsary ! ! ! !
thank you for coming into my life... ur myANGEL !!!
hugs and kisses!!!

Sabado ng Gabi

2006-07-08T20:15:00.000+08:00

Sabado nanaman at ano pa nga ba kundi mamaya maghahanda na ako para lumabas... para gumimik. Saan? Kahit saan sa Makati. Malamang sa Greenbelt muna, dinner with one of my friends tapos I'll go clubbing somewhere kasama naman ang best buddy ko.

8pm na. Maaga pa para mag ayos. You know naman, party starts at 12mn but since I'll be having dinner with my friend mukhang kailangan pagkatapos ng post na'to eh magayos nako. Matagal pa naman akong maligo at mamimili ng damit. Haaay?!

Nakakainis. Umuulan ngayon! Medyo nakakatamad umalis ngayong gabi kasi nga umuulan, pero Sabado ngayon! Gimik night! Isa pa, buong linggo akong nakakakulong dito sa bahay. Umaalis lang ako pag kailangan, kaya sayang naman.

Imagine nyo, 16 palang ako gumigimik nako. Nagsimula ako sa Malate, tapos Libis, tapos Timog tapos ngayon Makati nalang. Dati todo ang bar hop ko with my friends. Anjan yung 5 bar or club ang napasukan namin in one night. Pero alam nyo, never ko pang naexperience yung umuwi ng nagsusuka because of too much alcohol. Hindi naman kasi ako mahilig uminom. Kwentuhan lang, konting beer tapos sayaw lang... ok nako.

Sa totoo lang, minsan nagsasawa na akong lumabas at pumarty. Siguro I'm starting to get tired of it. Ewan ko lang ha. Minsan lang naman. Siguro crashing lang ako ngayon. Nageemote! Hahaha!

Kainis talaga. Ang lakas ng ulan ngayon. Wala pa namang pwedeng maghatid sakin sa Makati. Yung best buddy ko nandun ng maaga kasi may imimit, sabay sana ako pero wag nalang. Cab nalang. Hehehe. Kakahiya. Hehehehe!

Haaay?! Sabado Night. Ganito nalang ba lagi? Kelan kaya mauulit yung Sabado ng gabi na may susunduin ako tapos magkasama lang kami buong gabi... sweet tapos hahati d ko sya sa bahay nila. Alam nyo naman siguro ibig kong sabihin noh?! Hmmm. Hindi kaya, ngayon gabi makilala ko na sya? Sa tingin niyo?

Alam nyo, halos lahat ng naging partner ko nameet ko sa gimikan. Hahaha! Am not saying na kaya ako gumigimik dahil umaasa ako na may makilala. I go out and party to enjoy and be happy with my friends, not to hook up or anything else! Basta yun. Wala lang. Naisip ko lang yung thought ng Saturday intimate date with someone. Wala lang. Emo na nga talaga ako. Haaay?!

Ayan. 8:30 na. Magaayos nako.
Subukan kong magpost ng pics from my gimik tonight.

Kayo? San gimik nyo? Kung saan man, ingat kayo!
Enjoy the night!

Ang Aking Wish List

2006-07-06T20:11:00.000+08:00

My Wish List..... sa ngayon
(Unang Lima)

1. Sana tumaba na ulit ako!
By the end of this month, dapat pumatak ng 145lbs or 150lbs and timbang ko. Sa ngayon, ako ay under-weight at 132lbs. Siguro naman sa tulog ng magical chinese tabs na iniinom ko,
tataba ako. It did work the last time yun nga lang mukha akong may manas. Hahaha!

2. Sana September na!
Gusto kong sumakay sa isang time machine at i-fast forward ang oras. Sana September na!
Bakit? Kasi, am going back to school na! Na-miss ko din mag-aral ha! At sa totoo lang, hindi ko
lubos naisip na mami-miss ko ang mag-aral. See you CSB!!! Animo!

3. Sana makapag work-out na ulit ako!
Ang aking kaibigan na nagbibigay saken ng free membership sa isang fitness center ay nag
resign na so ibig sabihin, wala na din akong free membership. Kainis! Wala pa naman akong
credit card na pwedeng gamitin for membership! Huuhuhuhu!!! Kawawa naman ako! Try ko
kaya yung tita ko? Sana okay lang sa kanyang maki ride ako sa credit card niya. Hahaha!

4. Sana makapagpalit na ulit ako ng mobile unit!
Hindi ako maluho ha! Baka isipin nyo maluho ako. Hindi po! Kaya nga wishlist diba?!
Wala lang. Gusto ko lang ulit magkaroon ng 3G na phone dahil ang phone ko ngayon ay hindi
3G. Oo! Dati may 3G ako, pero isa ako sa mga minalas na kalabitin at hold-up-in! Huhuhuhu!
Yung w900i ko! Waaaaaaaa! Kulang nalang, sabunin ako ng Mommy ko nung nawala ko yun!
Pakiramdam ko, matatagalan pa talaga bago ako makapagpalit ng phone dahil medyo
may kamahalan yung huling kong phone na nahold-up sakin! Parusa talaga! Sana yung nang
hold-up sakin masagasaan! Waaa!

5. Sana magka-Love life nako!
Akala nyo siguro meron akong lovelife, pero wala. Akala ko din meron pero wala. Magdadalawang taon na akong walang tinetext ng "I love you!" at ng kung anu anu pang sweet nothings. Nakakamiss na. Kahit MU lang pwede na or date, pero mukhang walang magkamali. Hay naku! Nagiging emosyonal ako pagdating sa bagay na'to. Feeling ko kasi I was born to be a lover pero sino mamahalin ko? Yung aso namin? Makikiss ko ba yun?! Haaay!!!

......... ito muna sa ngayon pero marami pa akong hinihiling! (Abangan ang karugtong!)

Tag-Ging?

2006-07-06T02:23:00.000+08:00

Napansin ko lang. Kaka blog-hop ko... napansin kong halos lahat ng tao na tag na... Ako di pa!?!?! Hahaha! Ok lang. At least diba?! Walang sapilitang entry... hahahaha! Pero ngayong wala akong magawa, kailangan ko yun...................................................................... haaay?!
(tawa lang ako!)

Making Idle-ness Usefull

2006-07-06T01:56:00.000+08:00

Dahil hanggang ngayon wala parin akong magawa... may naisip akong isang magandang ideya...

Gagawan ko lahat ng friends ko sa Friendster ng testi!

oh.. eh di mas ok diba?! kaya kung kayo... mga mambabasa... if you want some testi's... make sure nasa list ko kayo... hehehe!

pero syempre... blog hop muna!!!

Try This

2006-07-05T19:19:00.000+08:00

Something my younger brother taught me...
Follow the instructions....

1. go to http://google.com
2. type in on the search box the word "Failure"
3. instead of clicking "Google Search", click on "I'm feeling lucky!"

now... ask yourself why that webpage uploads infront of you. i myself don't know.
just sharing an info. don't you find it weird?

World Cup Fever

2006-07-05T18:36:00.000+08:00

All this World Cup fever has come to me... So ayun! Halos buong araw yata akong nagbabasa ng mga articles tungkol sa FIFA WORLD CUP!

Now, I'm just waiting for the recorded tapes na hiniram ko sa friend ko na adik sa football. Isang matagalang marathon ito mamayang gabi. Am watching the games played already!

Sa totoo lang, si David Beckham lang ang familiar sakin pagdating sa football. So far medyo meron na akong alam na bago. Ewan ko, nag football naman ako sa PE sa school pero bakit hindi ko nahiligan yun?! Siguro kasi mainit pag naglalaro ka ng Football, sa field yun noh!? Lalu na sa field ng San Beda! Haay! Kainit!!!

England sana ang team ko kasi nga andun si Beckham, eh natalo sila eh so Portugal nalang ako. Bakit? Ewan ko. Siguro kasi halos lahat ng kakilala ko, Portugal ang gusto. Isa na dito si _ _ _ _ !!! (hehehe!)

so...

Go PORTUGAL ! ! !

Wala akong Magawa

2006-07-05T17:17:00.000+08:00

Sa totoo lang, hindi ako magaling magsulat. Siguro naman halata sa mga posts ko dito noh?! Feeling ko nga, this blog is more of a freedom board kesa sa online diary. Hehehe. Wala namang masama diba?!

Oh well.. I am so bored right now. Kaya eto. Puro mukha ko nalang muna popost ko. Enjoy!

Sige tawanan nyo lang mukha ko. Hehehe!

SIMULA

2006-07-05T17:06:00.000+08:00

pagod na akong maging malungkot... pagod na akong umiyak... pagod na akong mag-isip ng kung anu-ano... pagod na akong pilitin ang sarili kong maging masaya... pagod na akong mabuhay sa ganito klaseng mundo...

dalawang taon... dalawang mahabang taon ang sinayang ko dahil lamang sa nasaktan ako... hinayaan kong kainin ng sobrang sakit ang aking buong pagkatao... pero tama na... ayoko na..
nakita ko na ang dapat makita at nadama ko na ang mga dapat madama.. at sa wakas... natutunan ko na ang dapat na matutunan...

ngayon... sisimulan ko ng ibangon ang sarili ko...
magiging mahirap para sa aking ibalik ang buhay na iniwan ko, 2 taon na ang nakakalipas pero kakayanin ko... at kung kailangang iwan at kalimutan ang mga bagay na akin ng nakagisnan para lamang matupad ang nais ko, gagawin ko.

ito ang hudyat ng bagong ako... isang bagong buhay na tatahakin ko...
isang bagong MARKO... ang tunay na MARKO...

A BIG THANK YOU !!!

2006-07-05T16:28:00.000+08:00

......just wanted to say THANK YOU to.....

Juiceee (for doing my template)
&
Rob (teaching me how to use blogrolling)

THANKS A BUNCH!!!
YOU TWO ARE THE BEST!!!

You Said... and I Replied

2006-07-03T21:52:00.000+08:00

you said.....

"I've always wanted to be free to fly away and never return. To soar up high until the height may never be seen. But then, somewhere beyond that, I wish to be owned, to be held and never to let go."

i replied...

"Fly away as high as you can. And when the time comes that you get tired of so much height and too much flying. I wish my arms are still free for you to land on. "

"The greatest battle ever fought by anyone is the battle of love that cannot be yours. No matter how strong your shield is or how sharp your sword, the bleeding cannot be prevented and the hurt will never be concealed. For the wound of the body can be healed but the wound of the heart will forever leave a scar that will remind you of a battle that you never won."

Pictures

2006-07-01T17:17:00.000+08:00

Here are some pictures (me & my friends) during the Welcome Party for the Pride Celebration, June 23 and on Bliss White Party at Government last June 24.

Let's Celebrate... See yah guys!

2006-06-23T04:46:00.000+08:00

For those people who are coming, please say "hi" to me when you see me toitering around the party. Hehehe!

Emote Mode

2006-06-23T04:21:00.000+08:00

the events of the past days made me think and wonder.
am i really ready to love & commit again or am i just infatuated by the thought of it all.

ive been talking to my friends about my situation right now and they have the same advice. i agreed to what they wanted me to do. and yeah, i did it. they are right, maybe its not yet my time and am just infatuated, also, maybe he's just not the one for me. maybe we are better off as friends.

i really dont know. everything is so vague right now. i feel so "bobo" to feel this way. argggg!
its true nga that we become the stupidest person when we're in love.

shucks! am being madrama again.

oh well, just to give u an insight to whats happening. i've accepted what he wanted us to be. im taking everything slowly. in a way, we're getting to know each other more with this type of setup. although it hurts at times because what i feel is not reciprocated the way i wanted it to be but i guess its better this way rather than loosing a very special person. i dont wanna loose him.

Let me just hope for that day when everything makes a sudden twist. who knows what will happen. maybe in time, i get to realize and really accept that we are just better of as friends. or maybe in time, he gets to feel the same way that i am feeling.

come what may as what people tell me.
for me it would be "bahala na!!"

Is there someone inlove with me?

2006-06-23T04:09:00.000+08:00

Thanks Gabriel for the link.

It made me..... really wonder ??????????????????????????????
Hmmm....

Keys Me??? What!?!?!?

2006-06-21T19:11:00.000+08:00

Let's just hope that Cherry Gil doesnt say her famous line to Alyssa after this. Watch it. You'll know why.

Arrrrgggg!
Hahahahahaha!!!

A Quote

2006-06-21T05:04:00.000+08:00

a friend of mine sent me this message. its struck me so much that it made me think alot.

LOVE CAN NEVER BE SO BEAUTIFUL WITHOUT FRIENDSHIP. ONE LEADS TO

ANOTHER AND THE PROCESS IS IREVERSIBLE.

THE BEST OF LOVERS ARE THE BEST OF FRIENDS

Yes. The best of lovers are the best of friends. And that's the way I wanna go.
You know what I mean..............

Goodbye by Juana

2006-06-21T04:39:00.000+08:00

Didn't mean to hurt you badly,
Don't think that I am fooling around with you
So sorry for the time you've wasted on me,
So sorry for the things that you've went thru
But I know that the problem's with me,
You're so nice but your love don't deserve me
Or maybe I'm just so scared to fall in love again

I can still remember the days
How many times I've been hurt
So much trust I put on a relationship
So much suffering I've got and the pain still remain
You know I like you but I don't wanna take the risk
So confused and I don't know how to deal with it
Need sometime for awhile before I give my heart away

Don't say goodbye
Don't say goodbye
I need sometime for awhile before I give my heart away

Don't say goodbye
Don't say goodbye
I need sometime for awhile before I give my heart away

Now I know I wasn't thinking before
That's why I'm always ending up with Mr. Wrong
Learning form the past, don't wanna make mistake,
You could be Mr. Right or could be fake
You know I like you but I don't wanna take the risk
So confused and I don't know how to deal with it
Need sometime for awhile before I give my heart away

Don't say goodbye
Don't say goodbye
I need sometime for awhile before I give my heart away

Don't say goodbye
Don't say goodbye
I need sometime for awhile before I give my heart away

-- there's something about this song that makes me life it so much more than before.......... its making me cry a tear but am ok.... i amhappy none the less

2006-06-21T02:42:00.000+08:00

this days are one of those rare occassions when i can say that i am happy, really happy.

i really dont know why but there's something about the events in the two days that made me feel this way. i dont want to put them into details but tonight i'll be sleeping with a smile on my face, again... a rare thing to happen for me

now, before i go to bed and rest... i wanna say thank you to those people who i think are the reasons why i am happy today.

a BIG Thanks to.....

mOmmy

eRbi

my college friends &

ateh rain

The Question Has Been Answered

2006-06-18T23:43:00.000+08:00

I am at peace now.
Thank you and

I love you so much!

...&%#@

Blogthings

2006-06-18T23:20:00.000+08:00

As you know, I'm trying to keep myself from thinking so much lately so
I tried doing this blogthings I got from a friend's link. It was fun. Try it out just for the heck of it.

Your Love Style is Agape

You are a caring, kind, and selfless partner.
Unsurprisingly, your love style is the most rare.
You are willing to sacrfice your world for your sweetie.
Except it doesn't really feel like sacrifice to you.
For you, nothing feels better than giving to the one you love.

What's Your Love Style?

You're a Romantic Kisser

For you, kissing is all about feeling the romance
You love to kiss under the stars or by the sea
The perfect kiss involves the perfect mood
It's pretty common for kisses to sweep you off your feet

What Kind of Kisser Are You?

To The Person Who Made Me Believe In Love Again

2006-06-14T09:38:00.000+08:00

For a year and four months, I kept myself from believing that I will once again feel my heart beat for one special person. Not because I don’t want to believe but because I was traumatized by the bitter fate of the past relationship that I had.

Unconsciously and as a result of my defense mechanism on any possible form of intimacy, love and commitment, I grew lonely, gloomy and lived a life of agony. The boy that was once filled with joy, laughter and excitement became miserable, hateful and bitter. I became someone no one expected me to become. I became a monster. I grew selfish. I became so nasty and nobody was able to control me. I messed up my life more because I’ve lost hope for a better one. I even tried to end it because I’ve gone tired of it. I didn’t care for nothing else but myself and worst, I tried to buy happiness in tabs, vials and grams. I went down to my lowest point all because of philophobia. I was awful.

But all of those is part of yesterday and yesterday is gone. I’ve started to pick myself up and started redeeming myself. I looked back and I realized that I was lucky enough to be given another chance on starting a brand new life. It was like being born again.

Now my life is back on its tracks. Everything seems to be fine until that day when I felt my heart beat a different rhythm. It was ecstatic and twice as much. It was joyous until I realized that the last time I felt this way was when I met that person who made me crash, burn and be the worst I can be. It scared me.

Yes! The last time I felt this way was when I fell so deeply in love.

I assessed my emotions and carefully rationalized the past. And then I looked at myself on the mirror and asked myself, “Am I ready to love again and take the risk?” I saw a smile form on my face and my eyes glimmer like gems. My heart started beating fast and at last, I was able to answer that question a big YES!

I am ready to face another commitment and take the risk of falling in love again. This time, everything will be taken into moderation. What I’ve learned in the past will be applied carefully for everything to be secure and for everything to work effectively.

There is no doubt that I am in love. And I am taking each step carefully to lessen any possible pain that may come… if not avoid it. I may not know if the person that I love feels that same way but I know that my entire system is functioning on its normal state. I am ready to prove how worthy I am to be loved and cared. And I am ready to give the same amount of love that I am giving myself to that very special person.

What lies ahead is unpredictable. What I am feeling right now may not be reciprocated. But I want to grab this opportunity to thank that very special person who made my heart beat twice as much and express what I truly feel.

You may not see it but you have helped me and brought me so much. You opened my eyes and helped me see things that were kept from me by the bitter fate that I had in the past. You brought back the smile on my face and most importantly you made me feel and believe in love again.

I won’t ask you to love me if it’s not what you heart feels towards me. But please believe me when I say that what I feel towards you is sincere and true.

I swear right now to you, that if we’re given the chance to be together, I will take good care of you and I will love you more than how other people loved you before. My body and soul will only be yours and I will take you to a world where our love constantly grows deeper and deeper. I will carry all the pain and grudges just to make sure that you won’t get hurt and I’ll make sure that here on my arms you’ll be safe.

I'll forever be gratifide with the beauty that you're giving me right now and I hope and pray that we'll be given the chance to share life together.

I am seriously inlove with you and I'll forever will.

A Poem

2006-05-31T14:36:00.000+08:00

a friend i longed for
unknown

as swift as the morning breeze you came
you are my one true friend as you claim
you fill my dreams every single night
i dreamt you were here to hold me tight

the scent of your perfume, the warmth of your smile
the look in your eyes makes me hypnotized
your simple gestures makes my heart sink
when you stare at me, I try to thinnk

sometimes I wish you were mine
and you feel the same way as mine
you lifted my soul and you captured my heart
for you were here from the start

beyond the barriers into the hardships
you filled my fancy with you tiny bliss
a friend like you is what i longed for
when we're together I can't beg for more

New Chuck Taylor Design (hahahaha!)

2006-05-28T18:10:00.000+08:00

Liked it?!
I don't think so!!!

(hehehehe!)

as promised... here are pictures of my sprained foot...
dont want u guys to see whats behind the wraps, it looks ugly.....

Whatta Way To Start My Day

2006-05-27T10:37:00.000+08:00

I just got up and ofcourse I am again infront of the computer having breakfast .
Was browsing through some blogs.. as usual.. and i came across this fun!

Am sure u guys would love it especially if you've seen the film...

Thanks Mark for posting that! Sure made my "good" morning!
------
Checkout his blog too!

Reflections on Deeper Things

2006-05-27T03:24:00.000+08:00

Reflections on Deeper Things

Check this blog out.

Trully inspiring!

Twisted............ ankle! (Ouch!!!)

2006-05-27T01:00:00.000+08:00

Waaaaaaaaa!

I sprained my right ankle! It's swelling so bad!!!

Went to the hospital earlier this afternoon. Good thing the doctor sain everything's ok, that they aren't any broken bones or anything.

I was so scared because eventhough I've been enggaded into alot of physical/sports activities like Taekwondo & Badminton, I've never experienced having a sprain like this. It's swelling so much and am so scared that because of my carelesness lastnight, my legs will be amputated.

Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!

(will be posting my swollen feet pics tomorrow!)

Out Of Boredom

2006-05-26T23:49:00.000+08:00

The Dante's Inferno Test has banished you to the Seventh Level of Hell!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:

Level	Score
Purgatory (Repenting Believers)	Low
Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers)	Very Low
Level 2 (Lustful)	High
Level 3 (Gluttonous)	Moderate
Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious)	Low
Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy)	Low
Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics)	Very Low
Level 7 (Violent)	Very High
Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers)	Very High
Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous)	Low

Take the Dante's Divine Comedy Inferno Test

Oh Well... am at the 7th level....
Try it!

Love Games?

2006-05-26T16:33:00.000+08:00

This may be a bit girly but the games are soooo cute and fun to play.
Would you imagine that I spent 5 hours playing this games?!?!?!
Check them out!

Click on the links

KUDOS! To Ferry Halim. Good job! You sure are good!
:p

Arrrggg! I'm missing alot!!!!

2006-05-26T16:21:00.000+08:00

I can't believe this! I am so missing alot!!! Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!
If only I can teleport myself just for one night and parteeeeeeeeE with my "gang"

For those who'll be at Chicane..... "inggit ako!!!"

Oh well, it sucks but have to accept my bitter fate!

Anyways, I will see you on....

Turning Back Time

2006-05-26T16:02:00.000+08:00

There was a time when it was only me and my gadgets.

Life was simple. Most of my time and money are spent in....

and

Life was simple but I was happy

Ahhh!!! I miss it.

Did you know?

2006-05-26T15:19:00.000+08:00

Fact!

Did you know that the girl who played the violet haired Psylocke in X3 The Last Stand was born in Manila? Not sure if she's pinay though
but hey! dat wud be sumtin ryt?!
Her name is Meiling Melancon...

proof??? check this link out...

http://www.bellaonline.com/articles/art38964.asp

Life.. Tough Shit!

2006-05-21T21:15:00.000+08:00

IVE LEARNED THAT YOU CANNOT MAKE
SOMEONE LOVE YOU. ALL YOU CAN DO IS
STALK THEM AND HOPE THEY PANIC AND GIVE IN.

IVE LEARNED THAT NO MATTER HOW MUCH I CARE,
SOME PEOPLE ARE JUST ASSH*LES.

IVE LEARNED THAT IT TAKES YEARS
TO BUILD UP TRUST, AND IT ONLY TAKES
SUSPICION, NOT PROOF, TO DESTROY IT.

IVE LEARNED THAT YOU CAN GET BY
ON CHARM FOR ABOUT FIFTEEN MINUTES.
AFTER THAT, YOUD BETTER HAVE A BIG WILLY
OR HUGE BOOBS.

IVE LEARNED THAT YOU SHOULDNT
COMPARE YOURSELF TO OTHERS - THEY ARE
MORE SCREWED UP THAN YOU THINK.

IVE LEARNED THAT YOU CAN KEEP VOMITING
LONG AFTER YOU THINK YOU'RE FINISHED.

IVE LEARNED THAT WE ARE RESPONSIBLE
FOR WHAT WE DO, UNLESS WE ARE CELEBRITIES.

IVE LEARNED THAT REGARDLESS OF
HOW HOT AND STEAMY A RELATIONSHIP IS AT
FIRST, THE PASSION FADES, AND THERE HAD BETTER
BE A LOT OF MONEY TO TAKE ITS PLACE!

IVE LEARNED THAT 99% OF THE TIME WHEN
SOMETHING ISN'T WORKING IN YOUR HOUSE, ONE
OF YOUR KIDS DID IT.

IVE LEARNED THAT THE PEOPLE YOU CARE MOST
ABOUT IN LIFE ARE TAKEN FROM YOU TOO SOON
AND ALL THE LESS IMPORTANT ONES JUST NEVER GO AWAY...

LIFE...TOUGH SH*IT!

--
d[-_-]b ..marco..

Something Easy For One To Say But So Hard To Be Done

2006-05-21T21:09:00.000+08:00

One always has to know when a stage comes to an end.

If we insist on staying longer than the necessary time, we lose the happiness and the meaning of the other stages we have to go through. Closing cycles, shutting doors, ending chapters-whatever name we give it, what matters is to leave in the past the moments of life that have finished.

Did you lose your job? Has a loving relationship come to an end? Did you leave your parents' house? Gone to live abroad? Has a long lasting friendship ended all of a sudden? You can spend a long time wondering why this has happened. You can tell yourself you won't take another step until you find out why certain things that were so important and so solid in your life have turned into dust, just like that. But such attitude will be awfully stressing for everyone involved: your parents, your husband or wife, your friends your children, sister, everyone will be finishing chapters, turning over new leaves , getting on with live and they will all feel bad seeing you at a standstill. None of us can be in the present and the past at the same time, not even when we try to understand the things that happen to us.

What has passed will not return; we cannot forever be children, late adolescents, sons that feel guilt or rancor towards out parents, lovers who day and night relive an affair with someone who has gone away and has not the least intention of coming back. Thins pass, and the best we can do is to let them really go away.

That is why it is so important (however painful it may be!) to destroy souvenirs, move, give lots of things away to orphanages sell or donate books you have at home. Everything in this visible world is a manifestation of the invisible world, of what is going on in our hearts-and getting rid of certain memories also means making some room for other memories to take their place. Let things go. Release them. Detach yourself from them. Nobody plays this life with marked cards, so sometimes we win and sometimes we lose. Do not expect anything in return; do not expect your efforts to be appreciated, your genius to be discovered, and your love to be understood. Stop turning on your emotional television to watch the same program over and over again, the one that shows how much you suffered from a certain loss: that is only poisoning you, nothing else.

Nothing is more dangerous than not accepting lover relationships that are broken off, work that is promised but there is no starting date, decisions that are always put off waiting for the "ideal moment". Before a new chapter is begun, the old one has to be finished tell yourself that what has passed will never come back. Remember that there was a time when you could live without that thing or that person – nothing is irreplaceable, a habit is not a need. This may sound so obvious, it may even be difficult, but it is very important.

Closing cycles. Not because of pride, incapacity or arrogance, but simply because that no longer fits your life. Shut the door, change the record, clean the house, and shake off the dust. Stop being who you were and change into who you are.

--

d[-_-]b

..marco..

The Bitter Sweet Sick Cycle Of Love

2006-05-17T07:16:00.000+08:00

Isn't it amazing how love can either build us or ruin us? How a person can say how much they love us and won't ever leave us but then leave you and hurt you so badly till you can no longer bear the pain and want to stop breathing and kill yourself?! Sometimes... don't you think that it's so stupid and patethic to love? For love has this bitter sweet and sick cycle. A cycle that I used to not believe in. A cycle that is so unfar and is somewhat normal in our society. This is the cycle that causes the pain that we feel in every relationship that we get into. A stupid, sick, selfish, patethic and unfair cycle that we are all going through.

This is how this cycle works and I will tell it to you in a story.

Ethan has a relationship with Jessie. Jessie loves Ethan so much but Ethan fell out of love and broke up with Jessie. Jessie was hurt badly by this and was at the brink of insanity. Years had passed and Jessie tried to love again eventhough he knows that deep inside his heart, he is still madly inlove with Ethan. Jessie made himself believe that he has moved on. And so, he opened his heart to a new "love", Mikel. Like how Jessie love Ethan, Mikel loves Jessie so much or maybe even more than how Jessie loves Ethan. Mikel loves Jessie so much that he had sacrificed so much, even chose Jessie over his own family. Mikel was aware of the fact that Jessie is still inlove with Ethan, but because of the love that he feels for Jessie, he accepted this fact and stayed with him, giving him and showing him the love that he feels for Jessie.

A couple of months passed, things became more and more complicated for the two, and so they broke up. Mikel was so devastated by this. He loves Jessie so much that he had forgotten about himself and was left with nothing after that aweful day. Mikel loves Jessie so much but after that day, he felt his very being loose every inch of hope and zest to live. Mikel tried every single way to win Jessie back only to find out that Jessie has started falling inlove with somebody else... falling inlove with somebody else even before they broke up. This fact pinned and drilled another hole into Mikel's heart.

Life had to go on for Mikel and he tried every possible way to forget. Mikel detached himself from everything that has to do with Jessie. Like Jessie, he made himself believe that he is over only love.

Mikel went on a long trip to help himself forget and for him to have time to think about what is happening to his life. When Mikel thought that he was doing "ok" already, he went back. But the sad reality of love has started haunting Mikel.

After opening his heart to a new love, he realized all of a sudden, and felt that he is still inlove with Jessie. He still cares for him and still wants him back, and Mikel's new love knew about this... Mikel unconciously made his new love feel this. Like what Jessie had done to Mikel (something that Mikel vowed to not ever do) he was using someone for a rebound. Mikel was using somebody to help him move on, to make himself believe that he has moved on... but all along, Mikel has not.

Mikel was fooling himself on believing that he has healed and that he doesn't love Jessie anymore. With his, Mikel felt so much guilt on the situation that he is in. The situation of being in a relationship with someone who you don't really love.

Trying and wanting to end the cycle of pain, Mikel decided to put a stop to the relationship that he was in. He did not want to hurt anybody (eventhough he has started to) just to be able to move on. Mikel didn't want to do the same thing that Jessie did to him.

After breaking up with his love. Mikel decided not get into another relationship again, until the time when he is really over Jessie. Jessie, the person who he loves so much until now but the one person who had hurt him so badly.

Mikel wanted to end the cycle through sacrificing a possible love that could have been very fruitfull, that could have worked.

Mikel decided to just be alone and not to love again because he knows that he can only love one person... Jessie.

Love has its cycle and this story is a proof of that cycle. Oftenly we try to use other people to help ourselves move on which obviously a wrong thing to do. I just hope that people learn from every wrong turn that they take. If so, everything will be better.

((written July 5, 2005))

Trying To Get Over Someone Is The Worst Way To Crash

2006-05-17T07:09:00.000+08:00

This is the worst pain anyone could ever feel.

I miss the old days... days when everything was alright... when all we had was ourselves and everything seemed like it was going to be fine. There were things that we promised us... I promised us, and YOU promised us...

I held your hand when you were soaring... I caught you everytime you fell. I admit that I was never the perfect one...I may have held your hand wrong at times, or perhaps I butted in on things that you never wanted me to know or understand.

But all the time we were together... these were precious moments that I thought being together was forever. I believed in forever because I never saw the end. What a fool I was not to see that end was just a heart beat away.

I'm trying to get over you, I know that you know that. It's hard to get over someone like you... especially since your face, your movements are marked on every single memory that I am living right now. I try to get away but these memories keep on chasing me... Like an awful K-hole that I'm trying to escape.

In flashing lights I see your smile. In music I listen to I hear your voice. In our friends I feel your presence.

I'm moving on. I know I am and I am struggling hard.

But still, why do I ask myself, how can I move on from everything when I know that the time that I was with you was the time when I told myself " I am happy, trully happy!".

Now I know, all that I've done and i guess, doing... is to Love trully and unconditionally.

----- originally written on June 8, 2005

IS SOME ONE IN LOVE WITH YOU
Name
DOB
Favourite Color
Is some one in love with you right now	love at first sight with you baby
are you in love right now	yes, and been in love for a loonnnggg time...

This fun quiz by therat429 - Taken 220076 Times.